I finished college today until september, had my tutorial and got a really good result.
I was convinced when I first started this course that I was totally blagging my way in, that I would soon be discovered as a blagger and a fraud and would be kicked off for my cheek. But do you know what? I got 2 merits and 3 distinctions at the end of my first year. I surpassed all of my expectations and surprised myself by being able not only to have ideas but also to be able to draw. I have no idea where this ability has come from or whether it was hidden inside all along, but I am grateful for it. I had a really difficult end to the year last year and I really don't think I would be back at work now, fighting battles over shift patterns and about to start a new battle with the union rep, if it hadn't been for the focus the course has given me. I've met some lovely, talented people over the past nine months and I'm looking forward to spening the next two years with them.
To say I am proud of myself is a bit of an understatement. 3 years ago my mum died, leaving me with a gaping hole in my life where my family used to be, but are no longer. I need not go into details here, as this has been covered in previous posts, but it is enough to say I was disappointed to discover the depth of my family's ignorance and prejudice. Oh well you can pick your relatives, but at least you get to pick your nose! Then 2 years ago I suffered a very serious illness which left me debilitated and suffering long term problems with my health and memory. But I battled on! Oh good god this sounds way too much like one of those "Take a Break" magazine inspirational stories. I'll stop there.
Suffice to say, shit couple of years and now at the other end of it all I'm feeling really good about myself and my achievements. And they are MY achievements, no-one else has done any of this for me, no-one else has done my work, paid my bills, fed me and my son or gone to work for me. I put the work in, I take the credit. I wanted to make this very clear, before anyone does try to claim that without them I wouldn't have been able to feed my son or put shoes on his feet or had the life experiences I've had.
You see I am ambitious, I want to be able to live as an artist, to pay my bills and work as a full time artist. I know that I am going to do well because i am INCREDIBLY hungry for this. I'm not bothered about being famous, but I am bothered about doing the very best that I can, and if that means fame comes too, then bring it on, but don't anyone out there EVER claim that they helped me along the way, when quite the opposite is true. The people who really have supported and helped me along the way know who they are and am truly thankful of their friendship and support and would do anything for you all.
As the saying goes "Here's Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends!"
Love you all, mwah!
