Portraits

Although my latest college project is about the human form, I've recently been enjoying drawing portraits of my friends when they visit me at my studio.

Its a nervous time drawing friends, because you never know if they are going to be insulted or pleased by what I've drawn. But I do warn them all that I don't do flattery and it takes me a while to really capture someone and I need to keep drawing them over and over to get them right. Not sure if they believe me!

Life drawing 4

Sometimes when I go life drawing I feel less than successful. And others I have a brilliant day.

Today was a good day.

Preparations

Despite recent health difficulties I am doing my best to get a selection of my work ready for exhibition. To that end I trawled lots of 2nd hand and charity shops for reusable picture frames and have so far framed 7 pieces of work ready for hanging.

Here they are.

Flatness

One of the side effects of the first few weeks of being on Prozac is the feeling of emotional flatness, the numbness that comes about 7-10 days in and stays for about 3-4 weeks. I'm now on day 11 and it arrived on Monday, knocked me off my feet and made me stay in bed pretty much all day yesterday.

I am tired but not sleepy, disinterested but bored, hungry but not bothered about food and I feel like crying but haven't the energy to create tears.

I really hate the detached feeling that I have and will continue to have for the next few weeks. The only thing that makes it even slightly bearable is knowing it is not permanent, that it will evaporate overnight in about 3 or 4 weeks. I'll just wake up and feel good, and it won't be fake feeling good, no brittleness, just happiness.

I've just finished making a cushion cover for my friend Pat to put in her Camper van. I love making things for friends, and feel like it makes a connection for me at times when I struggle to connect with people. It has given me the impetus to do more textiles, and I have a yen to create a quilt, a story of some kind, but as yet it is an unformed idea. I will post as and when it begins to form. To keep you all occupied, here's a pic of the cushion cover in process.

Disappointment

Today I was upset. By someone I thought was a friend. But, as it turns out, isn't.

I'm not going to go into detail here, but suffice to say I am really offended that someone could repeat a lie told about me that they know isn't true and then accuse me of being a liar.

I have feelings and they are hurt. Consider me no longer your friend. Because you certainly aren't mine.

Finished!

I have finally finished the Hands On painting. It has taken me about 8 weeks to do, and from the start I really wasn't sure what it was going to become.

I'm very happy to have finished this. I may do another version again at some point in the future, when I have more confidence with paint, but for now, I am happy.

On top of finishing this I have also been painting some smaller pieces, just to get a real feel for the paint. Here's the latest selection. Some are better than others, and I think that has more to do with the drawings they are from rather than the painting itself.

Moving up 3

Well, good news and better but scary news.

The good news being my paintings are coming along and I'm starting to develop a style that I like, and is fairly interesting. I was never that bothered about photo realism, and I really like the colour palette I am using at them moment.

The better news is that the guy who runs the studios where I have mine is opening a gallery space and I have been offered space in the first exhibition. Scary bit is its the first week in August. Argh! I've got to select and prepare a whole load of work to go on a limited space in a new gallery.

OK deep breaths, calm down, relax. OK. Okay!

But then I've also got to select and prepare 3 works for the Annual Open at the Clocktower Gallery.

And get my studio ready for my open studio event at the end of August!

OK calming down now.

Loads of work to do and not a great deal of time to do it in. But its what I wanted to be doing, what I need to do to retain my health and my sense of me. Without this I think I would be unable to face the world. I am sounding a little dramatic here, but since starting on this journey into art I have felt more and more compelled to work at it, to create, to challenge myself in many different ways, ideas come thick and fast and I feel lost if I can't get to my studio to get some more work done. I do really feel unwell if I can't be making, doing, creating, drawing, painting, sewing, thinking, researching, fiddling and trying to do. Driven I am, driven to distraction, action and occasional tears.

But I also feel empowered, strong, talented, able and fantastic when I am working.

I just need to work out how to make a living at it!

Oh and the cakes are from a stall at pride and were incredibly yummy!

Moving up 2

As you all know I have had a difficult couple of months, but I think I'm now coming out of the other side, still struggling with depression and a horrendously bad back at the mo. Anyway less of the complaining and on to the celebration.

This last weekend was pride weekend in Sheffield and I had the best time, took my trusty camera with me and found lots of photos worth taking. Here's a few for you to enjoy.




















On top of that I've just had the most fantastic day in my studio today. I've been trying something new, after a bit of procrastination, and have had some success. The new thing for the next couple of weeks will be painting lots of small approximately A5 sized paintings, using oils and keeping to a strict palette of yellow ochre, sepia, burnt sienna and white. These are the first three of them. There will be many more.