Saturday, October 09, 2010


I'm not generally a person who delights in the misfortune of others. I am a nice person, who cares for people. Worries what will happen to people after misfortune. Presently I am not able to directly care for people because my health is, to be honest, appalling at present, but this does not stop me caring. When I am better I will be hands on, working for the good of others in a very real and physical sense. Caring for those who are ill, or unable and enjoying that caring. I used to do it and I will do it again.

The reason I am not able to do it now, the cause of what was effectively, a complete nervous breakdown, from which I will recover, I have no doubt, is a family who hounded me for 2 years. Father, mother, 2 kids and various hangers on living in the house opposite me.

I'm not going into details about what they did, they have been discussed elsewhere, and talking, writing or discussing them is difficult and painful. It is enough to say that it resulted in moving house, losing my job because my health wasn't robust enough to deal with it and spending my life ensuring I take my medication on time, which allows me to function in some way.

So back to the family across the road. I wasn't the only target for their abuse, far from it, they were quite generous in their abuse of the neighbours. I was targeted for special treatment because I wouldn't back down, I wouldn't ignore their antisocial behaviour and I challenged their abuse constantly. Maybe I set myself up for worse, but if we don't challenge this kind of behaviour, how do people who behave like that understand that it isn't acceptable?

Last year, the mum died. Of alcohol related disease. After this the abuse got worse. The kids, unable to express their feelings in any other way, took it out on everyone else. Dad continued to live the life that had killed his wife.

Yesterday I got a message from one of the neighbours still living there. The father of this family had died. My first response was not sympathy. It wasn't concern for the kids, both under 18 and needing guidance, support and care. It was relief, joy and immense satisfaction.

Am I a bad person?
All I wanted to do was celebrate, drink beer, dance, jump up and down on the spot.
I am a bad person.
I must be.
I was happy someone had died.

But at the same time the immense relief that he couldn't frighten me anymore, that the kids will be moved from this area and will, perhaps, learn how to be better people away from the influence of drug and alcohol addicted parents. Or maybe relief that yes, Karma does exist, sometimes takes it's time, but will always bring balance to the universe.

But still, I think I may be a bad person.


Mr London Street said...

No, I don't think so. I wouldn't trust somebody who didn't respond the way you have.

Not an easy subject, but excellent writing.

sukipoet said...

not bad, just human.

it is a very sad story for sure. i am glad you left the neighborhood and the toxic situation.

i send prayers for you and for all who are suffering in this world.

The fearless threader said...

Thank you Suki and MLS. I started this blog to be ablle to talk about how I was feeling. I realise sometimes that what i feel makes some people uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable, but the best I can do with that is be honest about it. Thank you both for your support, and I take it as the highest compliment that you thought it was well written MLS.

Anonymous said...


I have a message for the webmaster/admin here at

May I use some of the information from this blog post above if I give a backlink back to this site?


The fearless threader said...

Hi, Mark, thanks for contacting me, yes I am happy for you to use info from my blog and for a backlink. It's nice to know people find it useful. What are you using it for if I may ask?

Jan Hopkins said...

Hello. I just came across your comment on my blog and came here to say thank you. I should check back more often. I seem to have gotten out of the habit of being online.

Having just caught up with you, I see you're having a very tough time. I believe your response here is perfectly understandable and certainly does not make you a bad person.

Virtual hugs seem inadequate but I send them nevertheless.

The fearless threader said...

Thanks Jan. Its nice to hear from you, you've been almost invisible online for such a long time! Yes things have been rough, and are not improving fast enough for my very impatient soul, however, they are slowly improving and eventually I will be able to get back to the grind of normal life. In the meantime, I keep making art, blogging and feeding my animals on facebook!