Tuesday, November 02, 2010

If.....

If you had your life again, what would you change?

If you were able to amend your history and make your life different would you?

If you could be well, overnight and have no illness, no depression, no problems or disabilities would you accept the cure?

If you could have a perfect life would you want it?

My answer to all of these is a resounding clear and definite NO!

Why?

Because my talent is a response to hardship, creativity is the way I have survived my life. Without it I would just be one of the 'normal people'.

Without art, without creativity, without the joy that this brings would I not be just as unhappy in the mainstream regular world, doing a normal job, paying a mortgage, having a husband, or wife, raising kids and going to Ibiza on out holidays every year.

Would not my soul die a little living the mundane life of the undamaged, the ordinary, the normal.

Yes my life is hard. It is a struggle on a daily basis with fear, depression, self harm and anxiety. But at the same time I deal with these fears by being creative. Painting, drawing, stitching and writing. The ideas are sometimes easy, but the execution is hard, a battle with the medium and the world. Other times the work comes out easily, and is a cathartic experience at times when I am not doing so well.

If getting well means losing my urge to create, I'll stay ill. It gives me a reason for my life. And without purpose what are we?

3 comments:

Lynn said...

Wow, I don't know what to say to this. But if it works for you dear friend, I am glad for you, not that you have to suffer or hurt; but that you are able to rise above it and find the positive in it for you.
Okay, I guess I did know what to say. Just have to add I hope you will do no self harm, but just continue to create with all your heart and all your might! As the results are wonderful to see!!!

The fearless threader said...

Thank Lynn for the positive response. I never know how people feel about my illness, because often people have little understanding of depression and PTSD. For me creating is a positive response and coping strategy for my daily life. So far it works well, so I keep going with it.

sukipoet said...

It is wonderful that you are so talented and found an outlet for your self through your creativity. Your work is quite fine and brings joy to us who look upon it. It goes beyond yourself and your personal catharsis into a larger world, helping others to heal and see. Blessings, Suki