Friday, September 10, 2010

Dreadful Day

What a rubbish day.

Hospital appointment in the morning for my thyroid check up, and basically to be told I no longer needed to be seeing the consultant, thyroid is shrinking back to normal size and thyroxin levels are stable. Simple? ha ha not that easy. I waited for over and hour on chairs that were designed to extract confessions from suspected terrorists, asked if they had any idea how long I would be delayed, and was told nothing. I was so stressed and in pain by the time an hour had gone by I had a massive strop in the middle of the waiting room. Not good.

Then I had to go to the Job Centre for a pathways to work interview. Bearing in mind I am unable to work at the moment because of stress, depression PTSD and a slipped disc, I was wondering what kind of work they were going to suggest I do.

I hate going to the job centre, it is full of people, it is stressful to be around so many people I don't know and can't predict. I have panic attacks but I have to stay there otherwise I have my benefits taken away, which means I have no money, which also makes me panic and stressed. Vicious circle.

I do have to say the lovely Stephen at the job centre was very sympathetic, kind and helpful. Even suggesting other benefits I am entitled to. That's the kindest thing an official has done for me in a while. Thanks Stephen.

And then I had bad news about a friend of mine. The worst news, and I am lost in that feeling devastated, angry and sorry. I can't even go and visit her as the hospital is a busy unfamiliar place. I'm worried that I'll have a panic attack and upset her family. I'm worried I won't get to see her. I'm caught up in a whirl of fear. And I can't find a way out.

This is the reality of my life at the moment. Fear, regrets and frustration. I want to be better, and I know I can get better, but at the moment it's just not happening fast enough.


Anonymous said...

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The fearless threader said...

For future reference I will not be publishing anonymous comments, as I like to know who reads and comments on my blog. It is a very personal journey for me and I feel very protective of it. Thanks for your comments.

sukipoet said...

So sorry you had such a stressful day. Just doing one of these things would knock me out. Sending prayers. Namaste, Suki PS glad the thyroid issue is easing up.

The fearless threader said...

I'm glad it's sorted out now, it was very scary when it swelled up and I felt as if I had a limp in my throat all the time. It left me with a very poor apetite and feeling nauseous all the time. I just need to get my back and my mental health sorted now!