Saturday, December 26, 2009

Post Christmas fatigue

I'm tired, I worked all day yesterday, not physically tiring, but emotionally, intellectually and socially. today I made a Christmas present in about 15 minutes flat, with Josh's help. He stuffed the draught excluder that i made from some fluffy cow fabric I had in a drawer. A joint effort of a Christmas present. That was fun. It's the first present we've made together. It may be the last, he is a less than enthusiastic helper when it comes to things like that.

Went to my friend Janet's for Boxing Day lunch, which was, as ever, superb. Janet is a wonderful cook, who has the knack of producing very simple food which is harder than it sounds. I always enjoy food there. Me and josh left after a couple of hours because Janet was very tired. By the time we got home I realised that I too was very tired. Working for a day makes me so tired I need a day's rest to get over it, but when I am in my studio for days on end I don't feel the same level of fatigue. Why is that?

I've been making and creating a lot of the past few days, trying to make things for everyone I know and love for Christmas. Not got everything done, but everyone will have something home made and completely personal for the season, be they Christmas celebrants or solstice worshippers. No matter, I love you all.

I think I will stop with the soppy telling every one that I love them, someone always feels uncomfortable with it. Usually me.

There is little point to this post today, mostly because of my tiredness, and backache, which isn't resolving in the way it normally does. I think i seriously pulled a muscle in my back and Helen is not here now to fix it with her magic hands, and I'm pretty sure she won't travel from Aus to fix it for me, much as she loves me.

This Christmas has been tiring for a lot of reasons.

Not got a job and doing whatever work comes along to make ends meet.

Worrying about whether I can pay my bills and college fees next year.

Missing Sapphire, who I lost in August this year.

Missing Helen and Leo who moved to Australia in the summer and I'm wondering if I'll ever see them again because its such a long way away and so expensive to get to, but maybe the universe will smile on me.

Still missing my mum. Three years on. Will that ever change?

Worrying about my friend Debbie, who will be in hospital for a while, wanting her to be well and knowing that there simply is not enough time to say how much she means to me as a friend in all the ways I'd love to say and feeling impotent about her illness. I wish, I wish, I wish I could fix her. And her I know the universe cannot grant this wish. Bugger.

Time got away from me and I've no idea where it went. it's always the same.

Wondering where that cup of tea is that Josh is meant to be making.

My usual preoccupations and obsessions, Face book, Twitter, new books, unfinished projects and new techniques with fabric.

I'm wondering whee I'm going with this post, and I've just realised, I'm too tired to make sense, so i abdicate all responsibility for the nonsense posting that is coming and I'll just carry on with this stream of barely consciousness.

One thing I want to say is to wish everyone a great new year and that all of their wishes wants and needs come true, go to the doctors if you are worried about anything, don't put it off. Give your children a hug and tell them you love them, they are beautiful and wonderful and you are proud of them. Take the dog out for a walk, stroke the cat, phone your Granny, commit a random act of kindness and eat a big fat cake all to yourself at least once this year, but make sure you eat your veggies too.

I'm off to bed soon I think.