Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Hmm, decided that I need a new job, but doing what I've as yet no idea, but it will come to me in a vision probably, as I'm reading the jobs pages in the local paper.

Work is pants and art is even pantier as I have been taking up my usual activity of procrastinating like a professional. I need to get focussed. I decided to look up tridents and Uri Gellar in the hope that this would promote some inspiration, but...well.....no.

I have started to produce another printing plate for tomorrow, hopefully having two or three to work with. I think I need to run with this for a little while longer, and hopefully I will get it out of my system or find something that will give me a new direction to go. Or I could just give up on the cutlery and try something else? There's a thought. But I'm not a quitter, and I don't want to be defeated by simple flatware pressed from recycled something or other. The visit to the cutlery exhibition gave me a couple of ideas and it did give me a direction to move in, towards tridents and forked tongues, but not really sure where that will take me either, or if I'll even find anything when I get there. In the meantime I'm getting really good at Pipe Mania on the DS. So not all bad there. Maybe some history of cutlery may help. At least then I have something to write into my sketchbook. I'll ponder this proposition.

I went to Nottingham yesterday to see my cousin Michele on a surprise visit, and as I was about 2 miles from her house I went past a wool shop thta I used to go to when I was a kid. Now this shop was a total jumbled fire risk of a shop, with all the stock in a big pile in one corner of the shop and a tiny old lady ready to dive into it if you asked for something. Not changed at all, except the tiny old lady is tinier and older than I remembered, but I suppose that is only to be expected, because it is a good 25 years since I last went in there. But still an Aladin's cave of knitting patterns, yarn and Butterick sewing patterns. How cool is that? I love places like that, they are so wonderful at coming up with something obscure and ancient. I just wanted to spend money on there. Oh yeah and it must be the last place in the universe that still accepts cheques but doesn't do debit/credit cards. Even cooler. Cash prefered, yay! She had some wonderful yarns for knitting, but I don't really have the time to knit these days, but maybe in the summer I may get a week or two spare. I might get something together to take on my jollies with me.

I'm now trying to find a reasonably priced campsite in Cornwall that will take dogs and not charge the earth for them. Sorry I expect camping to be cheap and I'm NOT paying £25 per dog and a deposit of £25 per dog on top. No siree. But the search continues. I'll find something and it doesn't have to be near the beach cos we have a car!

Right on with the next bit now. Doing a lino cut for printing tomorrow, hopefull it will look ok. But you never know it may well be a pile of otherworldly pants dressed in printers ink.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait

Only one more night to do after this one, and still with no patients, no surgeries book and nothing to do, except the NVQ, which looms, looming like above my head. I did manage to get some of it done last night, but I think I want it to curl up under a rock and leave me alone for all eternity. That, however, won't get it done. I must....stop....procrastinating!

This week has felt a little dd in places, especially when I've known that someone wants to be pissed off at me for the stuff that has happened at work, but then they start warming to me again, because as we all know I am a loveable chunk of fun, and then they relax and finally remember that they are cross with me again. Funny moods all round. I think some of the wierdness has been because people were waitng for me to break down or go off sick because it's all too difficult for me to cope with. Nah, sorry, not happening.

It will get better here, and I'll settle back into the routine of work and early morning wakefulness, but for now I just need to relax and enjoy being here and geting into the job again.

The hardest part of this job is not the operations, or the loss of very poorly patients, but the sheer boredom of nothing to do. All the jobs for the week have been done and still we wait, like sentinels, for someone to need us. And when someone does need us, we ride in on our surgical green chargers and (try to) make them better. Sometimes we can't, which is never as distressing as my non-hospital friends think it is. When you know someone is probably not going to getbetter, you kind of want to stop the op before it starts, so they don't have to go through the pain and indignity of an unsuccessful op. Other times you want to do battle on their behalf, to fight the evil spirits causing their illness, the dragons creating their pain, but again, you can't, because that isn't how this world works. Shame really. Sam the pain slayer sounds like a great job. Pass me the sword and I'll battle to the death to prevent all the hurt touching you. Off I go on my little daydream quest again. Sorry. Must stick to reality more often, it would be less confusing for the people around me.

I want to get up early tomorrow so I can get to life drawing, but I know I'll not do it, the meds are getting in the way of my life now, instead of allowing me to have one. I will consult with GP about stopping. I've had enough of them now. I'm not used to sleeping for 10-12 hours at a time and still feeling tired when I get up. I't just not right. Roll on wellness. I wonder what that feels like? I digress, as is my way.

Off to find the dreaded NVQ folder. No I've not lost it, I just wish I had.