Friday, October 15, 2010


Sometimes when I get into my studio I start work immediately, and those days are lost in productivity, ease of creation and satisfaction.

Other days, like today, I get here and proceed to play on the computer, download research for an essay that doesn't need to be handed in until May, update my facebook status, read twitter posts, update twitter, read blogs, tidy up, mess about filing things that I will get out again tomorrow, mix paint, throw it away because it simply isn't 'right'. Get the picture?

Ultimately, however, whether I am a having hit the ground running or a slow starter day, I know that I am happy here, even if the weather is getting cold and the heater is barely adequate to heat the 3ft in front of it let alone the rest of the studio. Never mind that I have to keep getting up and walking about to stop my knees and hips from seizing up, it is an excuse to have a little dance to Pink, Florence or Paloma.

Happiness is something elusive. I daren't relax into it, because each time I do I feel that it will somehow be stolen away from me. This is the depression talking I know, but I do feel afraid that if I am happy today tomorrow will be awful, for whatever, unpredictable, chaotic devastation reason.

So today I am happy in my studio. Tomorrow I hope for the same, but I never expect it 2 days running.
This is one of my happy days, chilling on the beach with Gaia, no shoes and my camera, last summer. A day out at the beach feels like it can cure almost anything.