Post stress stressing

I feel a bit stuck. The studio has space to work and the house is needing tidying. I have time. I have stuff to do. I have zero inclination. All I want to do is spend time in my room reading and being in a different world from this one. Perhaps I need the rest.

Getting settled

Finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel of moving, although I still don't have an email address and the house phone is still not working. But aside from that, I have a bedroom to myself, the studio has everything in it and just needs reorganising to become a real working space.

The cat disappeared for 2 weeks but is now back, very skinny and hungry but happy to be home. The dogs are settling well, although Gaia seems to be missing me because of all the long hours I'm doing.

I'm tired and I'm doing too many hours at work, but for the first time in ages I feel relaxed about being at home and being away from home. I'm not worried about what damage is going to be done to my car overnight, I'm happy to go out and come home without wondering about what may be waiting for me.

I want to say thank you for all the support and love that has been shown by my friends across the world over the past couple of months and without your support I'm not sure how I would have coped.

A big thank you to you all and loads of love, wishes granted and all dreams to come true.

Change of scenery

Not sure how much anyone knows of what me and the boy have been through lately, but since my last posting the Dexters have moved house.

The new house is tiny, I lost my studio space and my entire world is in boxes. But the good news is a-coming.

I found a real studio, it's expensive, but perfect, high ceilings, windows on 2 sides, 24 hour access and an accessible water supply. I can fit everything in and run workshops there.

I now have a full time job, with the best possible shift pattern. I'll be working 2 days and then have 4 days off. Fabulous.

The house is still tiny, but now it feels less of a come down and a reduction in my life.

I had a few days where it all felt completely overwhelming, that I had lost everything, and I was never going to get back to where I was before. Sometimes I let go of the reality of a situation and let myself fall into the black hole. Only this time it wasn't much of a hole.

Back on track nearly. Soon to be a real artist with a real studio and perhaps a place where I can start to sell my work.

Well eventually.

Moving on.....

That hardest part about moving is the realisation that no matter how you plot plan and imagine, there really isn't anywhere near enough room for all the stuff you have accrued to fit in the new house.

Some of it must go.

I don't want to get rid of anything.

I want to stay where I am.

I want to be safe.

I wouldn't mind being rich?

I want the bad people to go away and leave me alone for ever.

I want to go to bed.

You don't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes......you get what you need.

I need to be safe.

Annus Horribilis

Times here at Dexter Towers are somewhat fraught. I will not really supply detail, I seem to be going over it enough without doing it again and boring everyone.

Things here are going to be horrible for a few weeks yet.

Then, the dark clouds will part, light will flow through the gap and things will be good again. I have no doubt.

It is the nature of the universe. Plus, despite my obvious shortfallings, I am an eternal, though depressed, optimist.

It is interesting to note that whenever I am having a really difficult time, I seem to get better as an artist. The stress seems to bring something out of me, perhaps it is the therapeutic value of creating something, focusing on something else other than my fears, owes and concerns. Anyway, in short, not to go for too long, I have had a very good week at life class. Here's the results.
Please comment. I like feedback especially on my life drawing. It takes me ages to re look at my work and decide if it is any good.

Travelling sketchbook

Well I finally started on my page for the second of the travelling sketchbook project I have become involved with. I've got another 8 to do after this and three of them are sitting in my "to do" box.

I decided I wanted to use circles, mainly because this book is about colour and pattern, and because I've not played with the patterns you can get with circles since I was a kid.

The background fabric is synthetic satin, with concentric circles of fabric from my bits box. I should explain that I have spent 3 days sorting out my fabric into a more sensible storage method instead of cramming it into a chest of drawers and a wooden chest. It is now crammed into 16 storage boxes, sorted by colour pattern and natural/synthetic composition. I have kept all of my silk separate, and the leather is in a completely different place. 1 of the boxes is a bits and pieces box, where all the little bits which are useful for small details but not big enough for anything substantial are being collected together.

Here is the first stage.

I will be hand and possibly machine stitching over the top to create a layered composition with lots of pink and probably green to create a more organic pattern. Hopefully. Depending upon whether it works or not.

I will post regular reports and pics of the progress of this piece. This is to get me motivated to actually crack on with my main project. A bit of distraction therapy.

Preparation/procrastination

Got up not too early with the intention of doing a days work in the studio. Tidied it up, moved some stuff around, dug out my old sewing machine - the new one is on loan to a friend in an equipment swap - cleaned it, stripped it down and serviced it, put it all back together, tested it's limits and ready to go for it now.

So how much of that was preparation and how much was procrastination?

Hmmm. Will ponder as I get the stuff out to sew with.

Eventually.

Bad Day

Nothing good happening today.

Went to car this morning to go to college and rear windscreen had been smashed and the offending brick was sitting on the parcel shelf.

Then things got really out of hand with their living room windows getting smashed and them threatening to set fire to my car and my house after.

Police involvement all day, stress levels beyond through the roof and I'll probably have to move out of my house to be sure of my and my son's safety.

Just like to say that for the past nearly 2 years I have been subjected to daily insults from these "people". Every time I come out of my house, or my car, I am verbally abused by them. Eventually you just can't bite your tongue any more so you answer them back, and then damage gets done to your car or your house. Which is worse? And why don't the police do anything despite the constant complaints to them?

This is my car. Depressing isn't it?