Submissions for Winter Open

Not a lot to say really. The works submitted to the winter open.

I am a bit knackered

I have been blogging a lot over the past few days, mainly because I have had a massive outflow of creativity, but as with all energetic outpourings, I have tired myself out and need to have a bit of a a rest.

I am close to finishing the painting part of my canvas, and the stitch work should go fairly quickly, as I already have the machine and the threads out and selected for the two tester pieces, and a very clear idea of how I want it to look and how I should proceed.

I also need to be making a birthday sketch book for my friend, Angie, and a wedding album for my friend Sharon, so I can put the photos I took on her wedding day into it.

In addition to this, I need to make a start on Christmas presents for the people I love, and to start building stock for the craft fayres I really need to start going to as soon as possible. Work? Sorry no time! Soon to have no money! Oh well, what's the worst that can happen, losing my house? Nah, been homeless before, it's a doddle! Lose my stuff? Easy peasy, done it. Lose my car? Oh no never! They can take my life but they'll never take my car! (In Hollywood style Scottish accent)

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Sorry, back now, just had to blow raspberries on the cat's belly. He hates it when I do that, so clearly I have to keep doing it. He'll figure it out in the end. The big fat cat did. Now he loves it.

Listened to a radio 4, the Moral Maze today, what a pile of uninformed rubbish, allegedly a debate about the power of Twitter and Facebook and whether it is fed by a mob mentality or is a positive force for political engagement and change. Clearly biased as the chair wouldn't allow a positive example of what FB and Twitter can achieve, and they only wanted to talk about the "mob" reaction to Jan Moir's article, claiming that despite the fact we "claim" to want freedom of speech, we don't want other people to be able to exercise it. Tosh, piffle and bilge water! I want everyone to have freedom of speech, even that toss pot Nick Griffin. What I really want is for people to intelligently and articulately prove that he's talking bollocks and that he is an uneducated deliberately ignorant fool who doesn't deserve the air he breathes. This is the responsibility of freedom of speech. Rights and responsibilities are two sides of the same coin. Say what you like, but accept the consequences.

So Jan Moir, write what you like, but take the flak! We all know it was prejudiced, homophobic, uninformed ignorant crap, you just need to learn to read better, because clearly you didn't read the coroner's report AT ALL! Otherwise you wouldn't have made such glaringly stupid errors in your article.

Erm.....sorry I hadn't intended to rant, but I think I accidentally pressed the rant button. I've switched it off now. Normal(ish) service will be resumed shortly.

Oh yeah, here is a pic of the latest canvas, the full sized one, in progress.

The canvas 3

Not happy, the paint was too thick and when it wasn't it was too thin. Sort of still getting ideas about how I want it to look. Not going to go completely down this route, and I don't like the very limited palette.

Changes will be made and the next trial started today. Going to get on now, less than 2 weeks to the deadline and a business plan to write too. Bugger!

I have been having too much fun and not doing enough work.

Enough messing about now, and on to the serious stuff. Plus I'm trying to get the altered book off the ground.

My middle name feels like it should be procrastinator. OK, work. Now. Go on, get on with it!

Probably more of the same later.

Less of the Wibbly

Got a phone call today after college offering me some life modelling. Not a huge payment, or very many hours, but its work and the first step on the road to being independant of the NHS paycheck. Feeling a little less worried about money now. And yes i know it will all work itself out, but I can still worry occasionally. It's my party!

Had a fairly good day at college, started putting stuff in the sketchbook and ran 2 monoprints off, to work on on Friday. I think the idea for the growth project will actually work well. Collage and mixed media on canvas, with a bit of stitch too. Can't do anything without a but of stitching!

by the way the flames are to remind me of the fire in my belly and the ambition that lives and burns inside of me for success as an artist. Either that or I die tragically just as I'm startring to get recognised and Josh can live off the profits of my art after my death. The price always goes up when the artist pegs it.

Been reading lots of depressing stuff about slums in Mumbai, but also a lot of very positive stuff about community, recycling and small scale farming in the slums. Who says that the slums are all bad? Not that I would expect anyone to live there if they had somewhere better to go, but I want to make a positive statement about the people who have to live there, for whatever reason.

Had fish and chips for tea and watched rubbish on tv. Too tired to think of homework. Going to town tomorrow morning to draw public buildings and sky scrapers for the project. I want to look at the patterns of the buildings, the windows and the shapes of them to be able to reproduce them for the big picture for my project. Hopefully no-one will think I'm a spy or a terrorist and fetch the police on me. There will be scans of the results sometime over the next couple of days.

Looks like olympus are steadfastly ignoring me now. Need to send another email to them to see if I can at least get a replacement card. Only 2 weeks to go before the next wedding to photograph and I haven't got a reliable memory card. Bugger, more expense.

Going to spend tomorrow working on Claire and Sonia's photos, cos I really don't think I'm going to get any more off that memory card. Very bitterly disappointed about the whole thing. Learned a valuable lesson though. 2 memory cards and split the pics through the day. Formal on one and informal and candid on the other. Hmmmm, why didn't I think of that before? Idiot woman! Never mind. Will make the best of what I have and make a lovely album for Claire and Sonn.

Right off to feed the snake and go to bed ready for the busy day tomorrow.

Pointless labour

So I try very hard to crack the watercolour thing, to get at least one decent, or half way decent picture ready for college on wednesday and I'm getting nowhere, getting worse at watercolours and about to give up completely. The cat has decided that he likes sitting on my shoulder and doing a parrot impression, but then suddenly moves to put his but hole in my ear. Yummy. Sums up my life and total lack of talent.

I'm not doing anymore water colours, because I simply cannot do them. Why bother, I have spent the last 2 weeks trying and gotten worse each time I have tried. I'm going to stop now, because I'm getting depressed.

Had a strange day today. Parcel arrived from Australia from Helen and Leo, with lots of wonderful cheery goodies in it for me. Made me feel loved and cherished. Went to the docs to have my final dressing change, healed over ok so back to work tomorrow. Then went to my mate Janet's house for advice, art chat and lunch, all good, and felt buoyed by her comments on what I'd done. On way home phone call from the boss asking me to swap a shift, which I did. Then home to try to get to the studio and do some work, which I failed to do.

After failing to do any work I collected Josh from boxing and came home, and finally made it to the studio, where I totally failed to make any impact on the art of painting the sky and the sea. WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF? WHY DO I PERSIST IN DOING SOMETHING I CAN'T DO? I AM AN IDIOT!

Sorry for the capitals. I think I need a break from the watercolours and I need to move into something else. So that is what I will do. Put the watercolours away and use something different. Hah!

I'm off to bed now, up early in the morning for work and getting Josh to college. I may play with my snake for a while.

Night all.

The Grand Canyon

So here i am with a huge hole in my back that for a few days looked like it was going to stay as a suppurating wound forever, non healing and infected forever. But, finally I can lie down properly, which means the pain in my lower back and hips will subside. It is also itching like a freshly infected crab carrier.

Wanna see a picture? Here ya go then. Yes it was painful and I will be glad when it's all better.

I just had a sarnie while I was waiting for the picture to upload and had a cuddle with my pet Corn Snake, Rosie. She is such a cutie, but I disturbed her from her torpor, so she was a little disoriented and not happy to be handled. She usually wakes up around 8 to 9 pm, so I'll go and have a play with her then.

I've finally made some headway with the summer project, and I'm pulling my research together, found loads of stuff on JMW Turner, my favourite landscape painter by so many miles no-one else comes close to the feelings I have for him. Anyway I already waxed lyrical about him in my previous posting so I'll not bore everyone again.

I also managed to do a fairly ok sketch of a really beautiful sky I photographed on my phone a couple of weeks ago. Very pleasing. I may upload that to another post. I still haven't worked out how to get the picture inside the words, cos at the mo it always ends up at the top of the text and it doesn't make sense to have it there all the time. Ahh I think I just cracked it. Cool.

I'm having the occasional breakthrough these days, but not the kind I would prefer to have. Mostly to do with technology, not art. But soon, I will be able to draw and paint without having a crisis of belief in myself. Or maybe not. Parhaps it is not worth producign if it is easy to come by, and the struggle to create makes it a valuable act and not simply the recreational act of a bored talentless moron, who would be better off watching soaps and eating cake. Ooh cake. I may go to the shop and buy some. Or I may make one. Sounds cheaper and better. Need cream though. Or icing sugar. Bugger it all involves a trip to the shop. I may as well just go and buy a cake. But then I won't have made it how I like it and it'll be full of flavourings and additives to give it a shelf life. Oh the quandary.

I'm going to stop with the stream of dribble that comes from my head from time to time, or ok all the time. Work now, work, work, work!

Bye

Hurry Up and Wait

Only one more night to do after this one, and still with no patients, no surgeries book and nothing to do, except the NVQ, which looms, looming like above my head. I did manage to get some of it done last night, but I think I want it to curl up under a rock and leave me alone for all eternity. That, however, won't get it done. I must....stop....procrastinating!

This week has felt a little dd in places, especially when I've known that someone wants to be pissed off at me for the stuff that has happened at work, but then they start warming to me again, because as we all know I am a loveable chunk of fun, and then they relax and finally remember that they are cross with me again. Funny moods all round. I think some of the wierdness has been because people were waitng for me to break down or go off sick because it's all too difficult for me to cope with. Nah, sorry, not happening.

It will get better here, and I'll settle back into the routine of work and early morning wakefulness, but for now I just need to relax and enjoy being here and geting into the job again.

The hardest part of this job is not the operations, or the loss of very poorly patients, but the sheer boredom of nothing to do. All the jobs for the week have been done and still we wait, like sentinels, for someone to need us. And when someone does need us, we ride in on our surgical green chargers and (try to) make them better. Sometimes we can't, which is never as distressing as my non-hospital friends think it is. When you know someone is probably not going to getbetter, you kind of want to stop the op before it starts, so they don't have to go through the pain and indignity of an unsuccessful op. Other times you want to do battle on their behalf, to fight the evil spirits causing their illness, the dragons creating their pain, but again, you can't, because that isn't how this world works. Shame really. Sam the pain slayer sounds like a great job. Pass me the sword and I'll battle to the death to prevent all the hurt touching you. Off I go on my little daydream quest again. Sorry. Must stick to reality more often, it would be less confusing for the people around me.

I want to get up early tomorrow so I can get to life drawing, but I know I'll not do it, the meds are getting in the way of my life now, instead of allowing me to have one. I will consult with GP about stopping. I've had enough of them now. I'm not used to sleeping for 10-12 hours at a time and still feeling tired when I get up. I't just not right. Roll on wellness. I wonder what that feels like? I digress, as is my way.

Off to find the dreaded NVQ folder. No I've not lost it, I just wish I had.

Back at Work

Here i am finally back at work, feeling in part like I've never left, but at the same time awkward as I feel a little out of place here now.

Anyway, not going to feel sorry for myself, but I am going to look at the mound of Mandatory training updates I have to do and the huge pile of NVQ work that needs to be done and feel like crying. When, if, am I going to have my own life back? Hmmm ponder for a while and then let you all know.

Must go and eat my dinner now, it's half midnite and time for tea!

More another day.

To sleep perchance to get some shut eye

Here I am at 8 am writing in my blog when I really need to be getting to sleep. I've just spent three nights at work, after nearly six months of sickness leave, with precious little to do at work as there were no patients to take care of and all the weekly jobs ahd been done. Tried to occupy myself with homework, but there's only so much stuff I can take into work before I feel like the whole studio is coming with me. Reading is out of the question for more than about 1/2 an hour, because it makes me want to go to sleep, which is absolutely verboten.

Feeling abivalent about being back at work. Part of me is glad it hasn't really changed and that after all that time I could just slip back into it without very much effort or worry about remembering my job, and part of me thinks "Oh My God, NOTHING has changed!" Good bad and exceedingly ugly, work is a necessary evil and until I win the lottery or can get some rich art collector to be my patron, I'm stuck in the dead end paying the bills and never quite making the end of the month meet the beginning of the next. Does someone out there want to patronise my rather crap and obscure art? It all has meaning, honestly.

I really need to be getting off to bed soon, as I've been up all night and although I'm not working tonight, I do have things to do with the rest of my week off. Wednesday I'm off to York for the festival of Quilts, which will, hopefully, be fun and not too expensive. I'm a sucker for a festival bargain. Off to Leeds in a couple of weeks for tea and museums, not necessarily in that order, and thinking about saving up to go to the Knit and Stitch show in May I think it is this year. Maybe I may even get something of mine in it for next year with the Embroiderers Guild or with Knotjustitch, the textiles group I am allegedly a member of. I say allegedly, because the degree is taking so much of my time up I really don't feel like I have time for any textiles at the moment, which is frustrating as I prefer to work in textiles, I just love the feel of the fabric and the way the colours change with the play of light and blah blab blah.............(further lyrical waxing about textile arts). I really ought to put some pictures on, but I know for sure that no-one else reads this blog, so who am I doing it for? Oh yeah, me! I think that answers my question then. One of these days I'll remember how obscure and unfamous I really am, and forget to even bother writing for others to read. Hmmmm. Maybe not. (Crosses fingers and wishes for fame for art not other dubious activities).

For details of the dubious activities, please see Channel 5 website and look up "Private Parts" 3 part series. See if you can guess which one is me. Answers on a postcard to ........

Must go to bed, I'm rambling rather more than is good for me.

Night all.

PS Hope you like the picture. It's one of mine. I got a distinction for that project. And its a textile!

Long time no blog

I got a text from one of my best friends asking me about my blog and do you know I've no written in it for ages so I thought I'd write something while my bath is getting cold.

I'm still not speaking to many members of my family, but as no one has even phoned me asking to talk in a reasonable manner then I'm not making the first move. Stubborn? Yes definitely.

Work is still the same but I've now started a course at my local college, learning to design embroidered textiles. I'll have a qualification after the two year course is over and I've had so much fun in the past 10 weeks that I've had no time to do anything else.

My house is nearly finished, and I am finally in the attic in the most amazing space you could imagine, where I have room to work for hours at a stretch but don't feel that I have to make room for Josh, my son. He is happy as he now has access to the computer so he doesn't need to hassle me to get out of the way so he can chat to his friends and play games.

I still have to finish the house, just some plastering and installing a kitchen, then decorating, but I can take my time over all of that if I want and anyway....... I'm so engrossed by my coursework I can't think of anything else!

Must go now, need a bath before bed. Working tomorrow, but paid work in my not very boring job.