Ideas, ideas

Been trying to get my head around what I want to do with my latest college project, while at the same time trying to stay calm about being very skint for a couple of months until I start getting regular work from agencies.

I'm not in a panic, but I am thinking if I just accept that I will be having a week off and I will be skint and behind with my bills for a couple of months, i may just stop worrying about things. Why worry about things you can't change?

So the ideas I've been coming up with - oh hang on a minute, I smell of dog! It's very distracting, sorry.

Ideas, oh yes, so what i have is part collage, part textile, my favourite kind of thing. Fairly large, on heavy cotton fabric or canvas depending on what I have in my fabric cupboard and collage on using old map pages, news papers, brown paper and some fabric, painted over layered and stitched into.

In addition to that, my altered book is to have a cover that is a collage. That, however is as much as I'm letting on at the moment, because I'm going to start working on that tonight. I will probably start getting my main project started tomorrow evening, but won't be doing much more than that until Sunday, when I'll be recovering from photographing a wedding. I may not have time to work at this rate, but at least I'm starting to develop a fairly good photo portfolio.

So trying to fit everything in for college, photography of the paying kind, looking at developing things into textiles to submit for the winter open at the clocktower, and trying to find enough paying work to at least marginally stay ahead of the bills, my life is really rather full. Not time for TV, when of course the TV is now getting quite good. Flash Forward, Lie to Me, Stargate Universe and an endless round of CSI and Law and Order, I need more hours in the day or a lottery win to keep up. Something my have to go and it might have to be TV. I gave it up before, I'm sure I could do it again. I have computer, radio and I can read, just about. I'll ponder the question.
By the way, thanks Debbie for the cooker. The electric one will be put onto freecycle shortly, and I'm now looking for a small chest freezer and a standard sized fridge, cos there's no room in my kitchen for an eye level grill gas cooker and a full size fridge freezer! I have my fingers crossed that the housing situation will be resolved by the end of the week. The photo is Debbie and her lovely young man Mick, lovely gorgeous people, who are the best laugh.

I had a really busy day today, said goodbye to my boss of 6 years, managed not to cry, booked the restaurant for my leaving do and as usual did not homework. Will be doing some shortly, cos I want to make a start on the experimental work for the paiture/collage/project, whatever you want to call it. On that note I think I need to stop blogging and get some work done.

Bad good, good day.

So I am trying to be positive about my new future, the one where I don't have to work crappy shifts at a dead end job in a local hospital. Trouble is I am panicking about whether I can make enough money in other ways, through agency work, setting up a new life drawing class, getting jobs as a life model, selling my art and craft work. Oh and winning the lottery would reeeaaaally help matters at the moment.

Bugger I'm so worried about money.

So the better part of the day happened when I popped over to Nottingham to see my cousin, Michelle. Got big hugs and feel much better for having someone to talk to. Feeling lonely and afraid of the future, but I'm still sure i did the right thing packing my job in.

Today's picture, by the way is something I knocked off over the weekend looking at the work of Juan Gris, trying out a new way of overlaying image on image on collage to try and get something interesting. I kinda like the effect, but let me know what you all think of it. Ha! you all, only 2 people read my blog! I suppose 2 can count as all! Oh well more will be joining you soon when I start to get famous! Sorry I'll just have a short maniacal laugh - mwhahahahahahahahah - and back to normal.

Listening to iplayer at the mo, listening to how music gets picked for TV and movies, not really giving much info, it seems to be quite random really, it is entirely dependent upon who is listening to your music at the time. Like everything, it's being in the right place at the right time. Something I'm trying to do with my work, and becoming jobless. Hmmmmm. Pondering on the wisdom of my decision again.

I'm sorry I'll keep doing this until I start to pull some regular work and most important of all money. Bear with me normal(!?) service will be resumed shortly.

Going to play crappy games on facebook now.

Night all.

Less of the Wibbly

Got a phone call today after college offering me some life modelling. Not a huge payment, or very many hours, but its work and the first step on the road to being independant of the NHS paycheck. Feeling a little less worried about money now. And yes i know it will all work itself out, but I can still worry occasionally. It's my party!

Had a fairly good day at college, started putting stuff in the sketchbook and ran 2 monoprints off, to work on on Friday. I think the idea for the growth project will actually work well. Collage and mixed media on canvas, with a bit of stitch too. Can't do anything without a but of stitching!

by the way the flames are to remind me of the fire in my belly and the ambition that lives and burns inside of me for success as an artist. Either that or I die tragically just as I'm startring to get recognised and Josh can live off the profits of my art after my death. The price always goes up when the artist pegs it.

Been reading lots of depressing stuff about slums in Mumbai, but also a lot of very positive stuff about community, recycling and small scale farming in the slums. Who says that the slums are all bad? Not that I would expect anyone to live there if they had somewhere better to go, but I want to make a positive statement about the people who have to live there, for whatever reason.

Had fish and chips for tea and watched rubbish on tv. Too tired to think of homework. Going to town tomorrow morning to draw public buildings and sky scrapers for the project. I want to look at the patterns of the buildings, the windows and the shapes of them to be able to reproduce them for the big picture for my project. Hopefully no-one will think I'm a spy or a terrorist and fetch the police on me. There will be scans of the results sometime over the next couple of days.

Looks like olympus are steadfastly ignoring me now. Need to send another email to them to see if I can at least get a replacement card. Only 2 weeks to go before the next wedding to photograph and I haven't got a reliable memory card. Bugger, more expense.

Going to spend tomorrow working on Claire and Sonia's photos, cos I really don't think I'm going to get any more off that memory card. Very bitterly disappointed about the whole thing. Learned a valuable lesson though. 2 memory cards and split the pics through the day. Formal on one and informal and candid on the other. Hmmmm, why didn't I think of that before? Idiot woman! Never mind. Will make the best of what I have and make a lovely album for Claire and Sonn.

Right off to feed the snake and go to bed ready for the busy day tomorrow.

Countdown to unemployment

I've had loads of support from folks all around wishing me well in the new job choices, but now I'm starting to feel a bit wibbly. It's silly really because I know I will get loads of work, last time I was temping I had more offers than I could cope with! But still, big move and panic may set in some time at the back end of next week.

On a lighter note, there are actually people who want to come to my leaving do, so that will be loads of fun. Big nosh-up and a boozy bimble up west street.

Homework is starting to come together, I've made my sketchbook, finally and done loads of research on different artists and urban geography. I feel I'm starting to move towards a clear vision now, probably to do with Mumbai being the fastest growing city and the slums that occupy every spare inch of the city. I spent about 3 hours yesterday looking at Google Earth and photos of the slums and felt quite depressed afterwards. It seems loads of people have ideas about what to do with the slums, but none of them actually provide minimum standard housing for all the slum dwellers displaced by the clearances. How do you house that many people in adequate housing? I don't have any kind of an answer, especially when you consider the slums are responsible for the vast bulk of the recycling of waste in Mumbai and without that there would be a massive waste problem that could only be solved by land fill rather than recycling. I shall ponder. And never come up with an adequate solution.

Anyway back to the homework, I'm looking at collage and mixed media, although I've been playing with encaustic today, and I want to be able to include maps and town plans in with the collage. Loads to fit in, not sure how I'll do it. Looking at Robert Rauschenberg and Lee Krasner at the moment. Different approaches to collage, but fantastic results with both of them, such power and energy in both of their works. i have to say I've not really done much collage, but I'm looking forward to the experiments. Have to produce a finished board or canvas at the end of the project. Looking forward to that. Should be fun. I may even manage to get some stitch and textile in there too! Pics will be posted in progress.

It's now way past bedtime, so off I go.

New everything

Well, after much backing down and worrying about stuff and getting myself stuck in a place I wasn't happy with, i finally put my notice in at work. As of 16th October 2009 I will be officially jobless. I've never been happier. And in line with the shock of the new, I have also chopped all of my hair off and changed the colour. Can't think of anything else to change at the mo, but I'm pretty sure that if I think of something then I'll just go for it, that's the kind of mood I'm in now.



And here it is my new hair. What do you think? It's still wet from colouring it, but I think it's pretty. I feel lighter, younger and more energetic and that's what I needed, to lighten the load and find the where the energy was being depleted.

Now I'm going to get on and finish my CV and then sort myself out for getting some real art done instead of messing about.

Pointless labour

So I try very hard to crack the watercolour thing, to get at least one decent, or half way decent picture ready for college on wednesday and I'm getting nowhere, getting worse at watercolours and about to give up completely. The cat has decided that he likes sitting on my shoulder and doing a parrot impression, but then suddenly moves to put his but hole in my ear. Yummy. Sums up my life and total lack of talent.

I'm not doing anymore water colours, because I simply cannot do them. Why bother, I have spent the last 2 weeks trying and gotten worse each time I have tried. I'm going to stop now, because I'm getting depressed.

Had a strange day today. Parcel arrived from Australia from Helen and Leo, with lots of wonderful cheery goodies in it for me. Made me feel loved and cherished. Went to the docs to have my final dressing change, healed over ok so back to work tomorrow. Then went to my mate Janet's house for advice, art chat and lunch, all good, and felt buoyed by her comments on what I'd done. On way home phone call from the boss asking me to swap a shift, which I did. Then home to try to get to the studio and do some work, which I failed to do.

After failing to do any work I collected Josh from boxing and came home, and finally made it to the studio, where I totally failed to make any impact on the art of painting the sky and the sea. WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF? WHY DO I PERSIST IN DOING SOMETHING I CAN'T DO? I AM AN IDIOT!

Sorry for the capitals. I think I need a break from the watercolours and I need to move into something else. So that is what I will do. Put the watercolours away and use something different. Hah!

I'm off to bed now, up early in the morning for work and getting Josh to college. I may play with my snake for a while.

Night all.

Alone in the sunshine

Josh went away for the weekend today for a boxing retreat and intensive training sessions. I managed to go 6 hours without phoning him. Not bad for me. The last time he went away I was distraught within about 2 hours, dreadfully depressed and miserable by the time 4 hours had passed and suicidal by the end of the first day. The key is keeping busy. Done the pots, baked some bread and painted another picture. Ratatouille for tea, and more cleaning probably. I'm usually gladd for about 10 minutes after he has gone away and then I start to worry and get upset. Why is this, I am generally quite a sensible mum. Generally. Sort of. Ok I am a total fruit loop, but he is my one and only, my baby and the centre of my universe. So much for being a mum who has her own life!

Latest painting. Looking better I think. Getting the hang of it now. Bottom right hand corner is crap, but the rest is looking good.


I still think that I'm never going to really get watercolours. Oh well, at least I'm trying. Very trying!

Back to work.

I'm Still Not Turner

Ok, so here I am two days later, still unable to do it. But I am starting to pay attention to the copy of a Turner Sketchbook I have.

1) Don't mix the colours on palette.
2) let the bottom colour dry before going over the top unless you actually want it to bleed.
3) A little goes a long way.
4) Don't overload the brush
5) Stretched paper is definately better

So I'm trying, honest I am.

Here's a couple more examples of what I'm trying to do.






I'm trying using different colour schemes and trying different ways of adding the colour to the paper. Not sure how well it is all working.

I'm going to start feeling sorry for myself soon.

I think chocolate or cake may be in order. Or chocolate cake. Now there's an idea.