You Can't Change Your Mind Now

I did. I really did it.

I applied to Glasgow School of Art.

Electronically.

The selection of images to include in my e-folio took 5 days. Some went in, came out, went back in and came back out. Some didn't even make the first cut, then helpful friends asked why I hadn't selected such and such a picture it's their FAVOURITE.

Some were in until the final selection. Then were mercilessly binned as if so much rubbish.

One has gone in and I think it may have been a mistake to include it. And no Michelle it ISN'T the print of you. That was never in question. It is stunning and so are you!

Sketchbook pages montaged together in photoshop, life drawings crammed into one image, theming collections of drawings and paintings to match the completed works.

After which I had to write a folio statement. 12 hours of writing, rewriting, erasing and opinion gathering to get that looking like I actually know what I'm talking about and I have an idea who these artists are. Yeah OK, bluff and bluster.

Apparently its not good to admit that you think you blagged it onto your foundation degree when trying to blag your way into a really important art school. Huh? Who'da thunk it?

So now I wait. To see if I can hear the laughter from here, or to be invited for an interview.

Wish me luck.

Applications, alterations and augmentations

I have applied to university. That, I think, you all know.

I nearly didn't.

I went to uni a few years ago, but only completed 3 semesters. I had a major emotional collapse for many and varied reasons, but couldn't complete the course, didn't get the real support I needed to return and quit completely. It was, in short, a horrific experience.

And now I'm doing it all again. This time, however, I am not naively expecting everyone to be socially and politically aware. Or even intelligent. God forbid we waste education on the clever!

I put off applying, in fear and trepidation. What if I am rejected? OK, so I have put in insurance applications, just in case my first choice rejects me. What if something worse happens? What if they accept me and I fail all over again?

Right, Sam, pull your socks up, stop thinking negatively, you can and will do this, because this is the key to your future, you will be spending 3 years in a fantastic city in a historical building doing exactly what you love to do! How could it go wrong?

So the application went to my college tutor, who sent it back for corrections. Not the personal statement, apparently that was "so you", and was perfect in tone and expression. No some minor numerical details were needing adjusting.

At this point I could have completely chickened and 'just not got it done'. Failed by lack of time.

I made the corrections and sent it back. All that was needed now was a reference from my tutor.

It glowed, throbbing with bright fiery light that burned the eyes that looked upon it and the hands that held the flimsy copy, it was so good. I didn't recognise the person she was talking about. But at the same time, yes, that WAS me.

GULP!

I might actually get in!

Ah but I still have to submit my portfolio. It will all go horribly wrong with that. bluff can only get you so far, but then you have to come up with the goods.

Looking at my work over the past 2 1/2 years I begin to see that, maybe, I may just about be able to squeeze a half decent portfolio of work out of it. Plus I have been printing a series of plates based on one drawing specifically for my portfolio. Just to show what I am capable of. That I can work in lots of different ways. I have ideas. I have skill. I have technical knowledge. I may even have talent.

And here is the latest addition to the portfolio. I really rather like it.

New beginnings 3

Just spent half of the morning applying for part time jobs to keep the wolf from the door. many and varied, but jobs nonetheless. I'm now trying to get on with my projects for college, but distracted by Facebook and Farmville. Keeping off Bejewelled though, which is finally a relief.

Projects underway, big canvas using paing, collage and stitch to show the growth of urban spaces, high rise buildings and the spread of slums in the remaining spaces. It's supposed to be some kind of comment on the lack of affordable space for poor and working class people in the new cities in the emerging countries of China and India. Also I like collage and stitch. Deadline looming. Feeling less than confident that I can pull it off.

Other project, which is the major distraction, but the least urgent is an altered book incorporating tales, myths and parables from all religions and looking at the similarities of the major stories. Creation myths, law making, punishments, lost souls, messiahs and prophets and the signs for the end of the world.

Listening to Radio 1 and quite enjoying the music that's being played. Some of it is a little off the wall.

I also have to finish going through a wedding with around 600 photos to examine, edit and make decisions on. Want to get that done by the end of today.

Phew, when did I ever find time to go to work full time? No wonder I was on the edge of a breakdown all the time! Now I am on the edge of bankrupcy, but I feel so much less stressed by that. I've seen people survive bankrupcy better than survive a complete mental and emotional collapse.

Bugger I really didn't want this blog to turn into a diary of my mental health ups and downs, but I suppose I can't really talk about my life without talking about my depression and the ups and downs of my moods.

Ok so back to more work, waiting for a message back from a friend, and will be able to get on with some more stuff once I get a response. Need a wee and some food now.