New beginnings 3

Just spent half of the morning applying for part time jobs to keep the wolf from the door. many and varied, but jobs nonetheless. I'm now trying to get on with my projects for college, but distracted by Facebook and Farmville. Keeping off Bejewelled though, which is finally a relief.

Projects underway, big canvas using paing, collage and stitch to show the growth of urban spaces, high rise buildings and the spread of slums in the remaining spaces. It's supposed to be some kind of comment on the lack of affordable space for poor and working class people in the new cities in the emerging countries of China and India. Also I like collage and stitch. Deadline looming. Feeling less than confident that I can pull it off.

Other project, which is the major distraction, but the least urgent is an altered book incorporating tales, myths and parables from all religions and looking at the similarities of the major stories. Creation myths, law making, punishments, lost souls, messiahs and prophets and the signs for the end of the world.

Listening to Radio 1 and quite enjoying the music that's being played. Some of it is a little off the wall.

I also have to finish going through a wedding with around 600 photos to examine, edit and make decisions on. Want to get that done by the end of today.

Phew, when did I ever find time to go to work full time? No wonder I was on the edge of a breakdown all the time! Now I am on the edge of bankrupcy, but I feel so much less stressed by that. I've seen people survive bankrupcy better than survive a complete mental and emotional collapse.

Bugger I really didn't want this blog to turn into a diary of my mental health ups and downs, but I suppose I can't really talk about my life without talking about my depression and the ups and downs of my moods.

Ok so back to more work, waiting for a message back from a friend, and will be able to get on with some more stuff once I get a response. Need a wee and some food now.

New beginnings....2

Today I set myself the task of finding a space in a community centre or other such building to start a life drawing group.

A simple task you might think. It has to be affordable, cover the costs of the space and the model and the equipment and supplies provided for people who have never done it before. In addition I would like to be able to make a small amount of money to cover my time for co-ordinating it.

Well, everywhere is full up in the evenings and afternoons was about the best I could do, except for one place, presently to remian nameless, which could offer me as much space asI wanted but at £60 per hour! Ok then.

Finally I found somewhere, the co-ordinator of the centre is enthusiastic, supportive and may even be able to find me some funding to start an early evening art gtroup for young people. Cooler than cool. Funny how some people think of community space as a space fpor community first and some think of it as a business first.So from 7th December 2009, Verdon Street Recreation Centre will have a life drawing class, 6.30 to 8.30, every monday evening. £5 per person although it is negotiable if you're skint! Welcome 1 and all.

New beginnings, old endings

So I am now jobless. Without a paid, proper job. Unemployed.

I am happier than I have been for some time, relaxed, getting (slowly) organised, starting to have ideas about how to bring enough money in to pay the mortgage and feeling I could take on the entire world, I have so many ideas.

I've decided I am having a complete week off from any thoughts of work and getting up to date with the house work, college work and life and friends. Feeling so good about the whole process of packing my job in that I really cannot imagine working for someone else ever again.

My last day was a bit of a day from hell, but the rest of the weekend was fantastic and I feel like I did the right thing and maybe should have done it a year ago, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

My friends are being so incredibly supportive, even trusting me to do their wedding photography for them when I have very little experience. Claire and Sonia, Sharon and Ashley you have no idea what your faith means to me.

I have been getting bookings for modelling, so I have regular work lined up, though it doesn't pay a huge amount it is work and some money coming in. I am also going to try and organise a life drawing class near me to see if I can make a small but again regular income from that. What I'd really like to do is organise some kind of community arts project in the north of Sheffield to create my own arts role here and support people who need art to help them through whatever issues they are dealing with, personal, professional or familial. I know I have to energy, drive and ideas to make all of this stuff work for me, but I just need to believe the next couple of months aren't going to be disastrous.

I have a canvas prepared for my major project at college, which I will be working on tomorrow, setting the whole day aside for it. Today is reserved for odd jobs and housework. Off to a meeting tonight for ATT, which is Art Though Textiles. I have some good friends there and will be able to make connections and network more effectively without having to be at a paid full time job. Although, don't get me wrong I am looking for paid work, I just need to not be doing it full time.

I resolved not to worry about money or paying for the things i need, I'll have enough cash work to keep me ticking over and I hope that I get enough temping work to be able to pay the big bills. And you know what, if I don't so what? Things will come together like they always do. I have faith that the universe will provide what I need when I need it. The universe has never let me down yet and always shows me the right way to go, even if sometimes I'm stubborn and won't go that way.

I must now go to the loo and eat some lunch, then ring the nice young man who is giving me a fridge on freecycle. Long story, but I'll tell it on another post.

Just thought I'd pop a couple of my latest experiments to see what you think. A mixture of monoprints and bleach and ink drawings.

Ideas, ideas

Been trying to get my head around what I want to do with my latest college project, while at the same time trying to stay calm about being very skint for a couple of months until I start getting regular work from agencies.

I'm not in a panic, but I am thinking if I just accept that I will be having a week off and I will be skint and behind with my bills for a couple of months, i may just stop worrying about things. Why worry about things you can't change?

So the ideas I've been coming up with - oh hang on a minute, I smell of dog! It's very distracting, sorry.

Ideas, oh yes, so what i have is part collage, part textile, my favourite kind of thing. Fairly large, on heavy cotton fabric or canvas depending on what I have in my fabric cupboard and collage on using old map pages, news papers, brown paper and some fabric, painted over layered and stitched into.

In addition to that, my altered book is to have a cover that is a collage. That, however is as much as I'm letting on at the moment, because I'm going to start working on that tonight. I will probably start getting my main project started tomorrow evening, but won't be doing much more than that until Sunday, when I'll be recovering from photographing a wedding. I may not have time to work at this rate, but at least I'm starting to develop a fairly good photo portfolio.

So trying to fit everything in for college, photography of the paying kind, looking at developing things into textiles to submit for the winter open at the clocktower, and trying to find enough paying work to at least marginally stay ahead of the bills, my life is really rather full. Not time for TV, when of course the TV is now getting quite good. Flash Forward, Lie to Me, Stargate Universe and an endless round of CSI and Law and Order, I need more hours in the day or a lottery win to keep up. Something my have to go and it might have to be TV. I gave it up before, I'm sure I could do it again. I have computer, radio and I can read, just about. I'll ponder the question.
By the way, thanks Debbie for the cooker. The electric one will be put onto freecycle shortly, and I'm now looking for a small chest freezer and a standard sized fridge, cos there's no room in my kitchen for an eye level grill gas cooker and a full size fridge freezer! I have my fingers crossed that the housing situation will be resolved by the end of the week. The photo is Debbie and her lovely young man Mick, lovely gorgeous people, who are the best laugh.

I had a really busy day today, said goodbye to my boss of 6 years, managed not to cry, booked the restaurant for my leaving do and as usual did not homework. Will be doing some shortly, cos I want to make a start on the experimental work for the paiture/collage/project, whatever you want to call it. On that note I think I need to stop blogging and get some work done.

Bad good, good day.

So I am trying to be positive about my new future, the one where I don't have to work crappy shifts at a dead end job in a local hospital. Trouble is I am panicking about whether I can make enough money in other ways, through agency work, setting up a new life drawing class, getting jobs as a life model, selling my art and craft work. Oh and winning the lottery would reeeaaaally help matters at the moment.

Bugger I'm so worried about money.

So the better part of the day happened when I popped over to Nottingham to see my cousin, Michelle. Got big hugs and feel much better for having someone to talk to. Feeling lonely and afraid of the future, but I'm still sure i did the right thing packing my job in.

Today's picture, by the way is something I knocked off over the weekend looking at the work of Juan Gris, trying out a new way of overlaying image on image on collage to try and get something interesting. I kinda like the effect, but let me know what you all think of it. Ha! you all, only 2 people read my blog! I suppose 2 can count as all! Oh well more will be joining you soon when I start to get famous! Sorry I'll just have a short maniacal laugh - mwhahahahahahahahah - and back to normal.

Listening to iplayer at the mo, listening to how music gets picked for TV and movies, not really giving much info, it seems to be quite random really, it is entirely dependent upon who is listening to your music at the time. Like everything, it's being in the right place at the right time. Something I'm trying to do with my work, and becoming jobless. Hmmmmm. Pondering on the wisdom of my decision again.

I'm sorry I'll keep doing this until I start to pull some regular work and most important of all money. Bear with me normal(!?) service will be resumed shortly.

Going to play crappy games on facebook now.

Night all.

Less of the Wibbly

Got a phone call today after college offering me some life modelling. Not a huge payment, or very many hours, but its work and the first step on the road to being independant of the NHS paycheck. Feeling a little less worried about money now. And yes i know it will all work itself out, but I can still worry occasionally. It's my party!

Had a fairly good day at college, started putting stuff in the sketchbook and ran 2 monoprints off, to work on on Friday. I think the idea for the growth project will actually work well. Collage and mixed media on canvas, with a bit of stitch too. Can't do anything without a but of stitching!

by the way the flames are to remind me of the fire in my belly and the ambition that lives and burns inside of me for success as an artist. Either that or I die tragically just as I'm startring to get recognised and Josh can live off the profits of my art after my death. The price always goes up when the artist pegs it.

Been reading lots of depressing stuff about slums in Mumbai, but also a lot of very positive stuff about community, recycling and small scale farming in the slums. Who says that the slums are all bad? Not that I would expect anyone to live there if they had somewhere better to go, but I want to make a positive statement about the people who have to live there, for whatever reason.

Had fish and chips for tea and watched rubbish on tv. Too tired to think of homework. Going to town tomorrow morning to draw public buildings and sky scrapers for the project. I want to look at the patterns of the buildings, the windows and the shapes of them to be able to reproduce them for the big picture for my project. Hopefully no-one will think I'm a spy or a terrorist and fetch the police on me. There will be scans of the results sometime over the next couple of days.

Looks like olympus are steadfastly ignoring me now. Need to send another email to them to see if I can at least get a replacement card. Only 2 weeks to go before the next wedding to photograph and I haven't got a reliable memory card. Bugger, more expense.

Going to spend tomorrow working on Claire and Sonia's photos, cos I really don't think I'm going to get any more off that memory card. Very bitterly disappointed about the whole thing. Learned a valuable lesson though. 2 memory cards and split the pics through the day. Formal on one and informal and candid on the other. Hmmmm, why didn't I think of that before? Idiot woman! Never mind. Will make the best of what I have and make a lovely album for Claire and Sonn.

Right off to feed the snake and go to bed ready for the busy day tomorrow.

Countdown to unemployment

I've had loads of support from folks all around wishing me well in the new job choices, but now I'm starting to feel a bit wibbly. It's silly really because I know I will get loads of work, last time I was temping I had more offers than I could cope with! But still, big move and panic may set in some time at the back end of next week.

On a lighter note, there are actually people who want to come to my leaving do, so that will be loads of fun. Big nosh-up and a boozy bimble up west street.

Homework is starting to come together, I've made my sketchbook, finally and done loads of research on different artists and urban geography. I feel I'm starting to move towards a clear vision now, probably to do with Mumbai being the fastest growing city and the slums that occupy every spare inch of the city. I spent about 3 hours yesterday looking at Google Earth and photos of the slums and felt quite depressed afterwards. It seems loads of people have ideas about what to do with the slums, but none of them actually provide minimum standard housing for all the slum dwellers displaced by the clearances. How do you house that many people in adequate housing? I don't have any kind of an answer, especially when you consider the slums are responsible for the vast bulk of the recycling of waste in Mumbai and without that there would be a massive waste problem that could only be solved by land fill rather than recycling. I shall ponder. And never come up with an adequate solution.

Anyway back to the homework, I'm looking at collage and mixed media, although I've been playing with encaustic today, and I want to be able to include maps and town plans in with the collage. Loads to fit in, not sure how I'll do it. Looking at Robert Rauschenberg and Lee Krasner at the moment. Different approaches to collage, but fantastic results with both of them, such power and energy in both of their works. i have to say I've not really done much collage, but I'm looking forward to the experiments. Have to produce a finished board or canvas at the end of the project. Looking forward to that. Should be fun. I may even manage to get some stitch and textile in there too! Pics will be posted in progress.

It's now way past bedtime, so off I go.

New everything

Well, after much backing down and worrying about stuff and getting myself stuck in a place I wasn't happy with, i finally put my notice in at work. As of 16th October 2009 I will be officially jobless. I've never been happier. And in line with the shock of the new, I have also chopped all of my hair off and changed the colour. Can't think of anything else to change at the mo, but I'm pretty sure that if I think of something then I'll just go for it, that's the kind of mood I'm in now.



And here it is my new hair. What do you think? It's still wet from colouring it, but I think it's pretty. I feel lighter, younger and more energetic and that's what I needed, to lighten the load and find the where the energy was being depleted.

Now I'm going to get on and finish my CV and then sort myself out for getting some real art done instead of messing about.